


not boyfriends*

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: A little angst, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Self-Denial, anxious Leo, leo is gay, really just leo being anxious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 15:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14192472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They weren't boyfriends.*not yet.





	not boyfriends*

**Author's Note:**

> No Beta

It was starting to become a little ridiculous if Leo were being honest.

 

The amount of times he had to correct people was simply absurd, really. He supposed in some way it was good people were so accepting, but at the same time, making such a direct assumption and then  _ asking  _ about it was annoying. And rude. People could be friends. People could have friends. It really wasn’t such a foreign concept. And it didn’t help that Niles usually just smiled and didn’t say anything, letting Leo explain away some apparent confusion their relationship to a stranger. It was tedious, bothersome, and Leo hated how flustered it always made him.

 

They weren’t boyfriends. Seriously.

 

The first time it happened wasn’t horrible. It was almost funny, actually, one of those one time occurrences that one could tell their friends about. Leo had suggested they go out for coffee, as they often did, and Niles had happily agreed. They ended up at their usual coffee place, some local shop a little less expensive than Starbucks. Niles had hooked an arm around Leo’s waist to gain his attention and Leo, plenty used to Niles’ physicality, had simply turned his head to listen. It wasn’t until they reached the counter and placed their order that the barista asked, in a small, shy voice, “How long have you been dating?”

 

Leo had turned red and sputtered out a hasty explanation while Niles only laughed, obviously enjoying Leo’s discomfort and the absurdity of the idea. The barista had apologized, blushing almost as red as Leo, and that had been the end of it.

 

Niles poked fun about it after they had left, much to Leo’s disgruntlement, but otherwise they hadn’t talked about it after. Leo had assumed it was just a random thing. Sure, Niles was more touchy-feely than most people were with friends, but it was just who he was and Leo had grown used to it. He didn’t think much of it anymore and he hadn’t thought others did either.

 

But then a guy at the grocery store asked if they were dating; a young girl with her mother pointed at them and said they looked like a happy married couple; someone told Leo that Niles was cute and asked how long they had been together. Leo stopped sputtering after about the fifth time, but he still blushed and stumbled through a stilted explanation that they weren’t together, they were just friends, it’s okay don’t worry about it, have a nice day.

 

Niles, if he was nearby, never said a word during or after the fact. It made Leo suspicious because Niles never passed up the opportunity to antagonize him which made him wonder if maybe the questions bothered Niles more than he let on. Leo thought they were good friends, but maybe the idea of dating was too much for Niles. Maybe it weirded him out, made him feel awkward around Leo. It wasn’t something Leo wanted, not when he appreciated Niles’ friendship as much as he did.

 

He tried asking Niles about it once. They were having lunch together during their respective lunch breaks and there was a brief lull in their conversation. Leo had stabbed at his salad, piercing a cherry tomato, and glanced across the table at his companion. Niles had been looking at his phone, responding to a work email one-handed while he held his fork in his other. His hair had been tied back that day, showing off his strong jawline. Leo had coughed quietly and asked, “So, you know how a lot of people ask if we’re dating?”

 

Niles had let out a small laugh, not looking up. “Yes, it’s funny, huh?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. You don’t think it’s weird, maybe?”

 

“Weird? No, I don’t think so.” Niles had looked up then, thoughtful. “Maybe a little surprising, I suppose.”

 

Leo had swallowed, surprised by his own nerves. “Yeah?”

 

“I mean, you have the personality of a rock, my dear. I would never date you.”

 

Niles had said it in his usual teasing tone, a lopsided smile on his face, but Leo had still felt oddly hurt. He had plastered on a smile and nodded, not asking again as he threw back his own retort.

 

Dating Niles had never been a thought Leo had entertained before, but the more people that stopped them, the more he ended up thinking about it. The more he thought about it, the more he had to remind himself of Niles’ dismissal that day and the more his mood often ended up sour.

 

Leo didn’t like Niles. He didn’t have a high school crush on him or anything. They were friends and that was it. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. It’s what Leo told himself when he saw Niles flirting with some girl when they were in the checkout line at the store. It’s what Leo told himself when a guy touched Niles flirtatiously on the arm when they were out for a drink, fingers trailing up higher and higher. It’s what Leo told himself when he felt something so terrifyingly close to jealousy fill his chest and make it hard to breathe. It was a mantra he started to grow sick of very quickly.

 

They shared an apartment together, so it was hard to avoid Niles altogether, but Leo would be damned if he didn’t try his best. Niles didn’t mention the sudden drop in their time together, the lack of coffee outings and shared lunches. Niles seemed to take it in stride and didn’t ask any questions, considerate to a fault of Leo’s boundaries. It only succeeded in making Leo more frustrated, inexplicably.

 

It all came to a head one night.

 

Leo was home slumped over their kitchen counter with the scatterings of their various bills around him, a glass of wine half-empty next to him. His glasses had half-slid down his nose and he was absently chewing on the end of his pen when the door opened. Niles stepped through, coat draped over one arm and keys dangling from his hand. Leo watched as he closed and locked the door behind him, humming a soft tune to himself. It made Leo’s heart ache a little bit.

 

“Hey,” Niles greeted, dropping his keys into their little bowl of miscellaneous items on the counter. “What are you doing there?”

 

“Bills,” Leo grumbled, picking up his wine to throw back the remainder of it. He grimaced a little as he set the glass back down. “Why is our phone bill so much? Did you call Odin again?”

 

“No, I didn’t. Did we go over our data limit?”

 

“I don’t think so? We would have gotten that automated text thing if we did.”

 

Niles draped his coat over the back of a chair and moved closer. Leo took a moment to find the correct papers with their phone bill, pulling the small stack towards him so Niles could see it.

 

Maybe he was a little drunk after the all the wine he had drank, but he could have sworn Niles moved closer then he needed to be. He set one hand on the back of Leo’s chair and leaned over him, using his other hand to flip through the pages of their bill. His hair was pulled back, but a few loose strands fell over his shoulder, tickling the shell of Leo’s ear. Leo could feel the heat of his body against his shoulder, the rise and fall of his chest. He was almost startled when Niles spoke again, the deep rumble of his voice sounding more pronounced than usual.

 

“Mm, here, babe,” Niles said, pointing out a place on one sheet. “You must have missed the text. It’s only a small overcharge, we can cover that.”

 

Leo blinked and pushed up his glasses, leaning in to see where Niles was pointing. “Oh. Yeah, I guess. It seemed like more than that.”

 

Niles had nice hands. Thin fingers, neatly trimmed nails, skin smooth and probably soft. There were a few darker freckles near his wrist, moving up his arm where he had his sleeves rolled up at the elbow.

 

“I think you need some sleep,” Niles chuckled, pulling Leo out of his thoughts again. “It’s really not all that much. You are making up numbers, my dear.”

 

“Maybe,” Leo mumbled, his head spinning for a moment. Niles’ cologne smelled a bit like the wine Leo had just finished off, making him want to tilt his head back and nuzzle into the crook of his jaw and-

 

Niles set a hand at the small of Leo’s back as he leaned in to kiss his temple, humming softly in amusement. “Leo, you’re drifting, babe. Let’s get you to bed.”

 

Leo nodded, a little dazed, and slid off of his chair per Niles’ guidance. He stumbled over his own socked feet and let Niles catch him, surprised by the firmness of his grip. A familiar arm looped around his waist and helped him to bed, familiar hands tucking him in and removing his glasses with careful delicacy. Leo rolled onto his side and let himself drift off as fingers carded gently through his hair, helping lull him to sleep.

 

When he woke up the next morning with a headache and a dry mouth, a glass of water waited for him on his nightstand with a bottle of Advil. Leo squinted at the sticky note that had been plastered to the glass, familiar, loopy handwriting telling him:  _ Drink me! _

 

A smiley, winking face was drawn under it. Leo stared at it for a few beats before saying, “Fuck me.”

  
  


∆

 

What had started as a funny mistake every so often had turned into Leo questioning his own state of mind.

 

Now whenever someone asked if they were dating, his heart jumped in his chest. His palms got sweaty and he would glance nervously over to Niles, wondering what he was thinking about. Leo knew he was gay, that wasn’t the issue. He was perfectly comfortable with his sexuality and had lost his virginity when he was 21, dated a decent handful of guys since then. The problem was he did, indeed, have a silly crush on his best friend of seven years.

 

Leo had always known Niles was attractive. They lived together, so he knew exactly what routine the other man went through every morning to get ready, what products he used and how much time went into his appearance. Leo had never judged him for it, not when Niles always looked so put together and always caught eyes when they were in public. He also knew, however, what Niles looked like without all the products and fanfare, what he looked like in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Leo knew what he looked like with his hair tied back in a messy bun simply because he didn’t feel like brushing it, what he looked like drunk, high, and completely plastered. He had seen him struggling to make something as easy as scrambled eggs but then make the most fantastic chocolate cake Leo had ever tasted.

 

Leo hadn’t thought much about his feelings towards Niles until suddenly everyone else seemed to be questioning their relationship. He had thought his feelings of jealousy, embarrassment, and confusion had been because he didn’t want to lose a close friend, but now. 

 

He had never been good at analyzing his own emotions, but maybe he liked Niles beyond just a crush. Just maybe.

 

The only problem was he had zero chance of survival.

 

Niles was Niles. He was narcissistic and yet struggled to have deep conversations about himself; he was a physical person and touched others constantly, but would immediately back off if asked; he could drink himself sick and still make sure his friends were okay in the aftermath. He also made lewd jokes and comments often, but could be serious when the situation called for it. He could be annoying, was stubborn to a fault, held almost no respect for authority or the government, and pushed himself too hard. He was also passionate, caring, and cried when he watched any animal die on TV or in movies. He was a complicated person with various sides to him and Leo had yet to find one he didn’t accept wholeheartedly.

 

He was also attractive as fuck and Leo agonized over it daily. Niles joked about it, but it was true that Leo didn’t have what he thought was a strong personality and his looks were average to boot. He had always struggled with making friends and being close to people and it was why many of his past relationships hadn’t lasted long. He couldn’t get close to people, not easily, and Niles had been one exception along with a few others.

 

To make matters worse, Niles had never shown any kind of romantic interest in Leo before. Niles flourished on attention from other people hence his typical flirtatious attitude, but Leo had noticed he didn’t act that way around him very often. They were much more casual with each other and obviously that was a good thing between friends, but surely it meant Niles wasn’t interested in the slightest in anything more.

 

Leo knew the best course of action would be to simply ask and talk to Niles, but it was easier said than done. Each time Leo thought he had gathered up the nerve, something held him back. Sitting on the couch together watching TV, waiting for his turn in the bathroom, helping decide what to have for dinner; several opportunities wasted on his own stupid anxiety.

 

A few weeks passed that were spent dwelling in his own anxious thoughts, wondering how to broach the topic organically without being obvious. Niles didn’t seem to pick up on Leo’s misery, or if he did he didn’t mention it. They still didn’t go out together much, Leo bowing out in fear of letting himself slip up somehow, but otherwise their friendship didn’t seem to suffer at the very least.

 

It was the weekend now, a morning they both had off work. Leo was in the kitchen making tea for himself when a woman he didn’t recognize came down the hall from Niles’ room. She smiled at him politely, looking only a little embarrassed, and Leo only managed a short nod as she let herself out, his heart racing.

 

Niles had brought people home before. It wasn’t a big deal. He was always considerate about it, careful not to wake Leo if he came in late, keeping things on the down low. Leo rarely saw the people Niles brought home, usually either gone for work already or still asleep when they left. They hadn’t set up any rules  _ against  _ bringing people home and really, it wasn’t a  _ big deal. _ Seeing this woman, however, shoes dangling from her fingers, a hickey on her neck, made Leo sick to his stomach.

 

He sat himself down on one of their barstools and waited for Niles to emerge a few minutes later, sweatpants sitting low on his hips, a tacky t-shirt claiming:  _ Bitches get Stitches.  _ Leo had gotten it for him as a joke one Christmas.

 

“Morning.” Niles greeted, his smile a touch sleepy. Leo had to look away.

 

“Morning,” Leo mumbled into his tea. “A girl this time?”

 

Niles hummed noncommittally, starting to make tea for himself. “Yeah, met her last night. Sorry, she meant to leave earlier.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

Leo noticed Niles glance over at him but didn’t say anything. He stared down into his tea, noticing a few particles floating up near the top.

 

“Are you cold?” Niles asked after a beat, eyeing the blanket Leo had dragged with him from bed.

 

“Yes, because this damn apartment doesn’t have proper insulation.” Leo huffed, pulling said blanket closer around his shoulders.

 

“I think you’re just cold-blooded, dearest.”

 

“Shut up, I’m not.” Leo hesitated before adding, softer, “And don’t call me that.”

 

A moment passed. Niles looked over to him again and Leo felt his cheeks warm under the skeptical look he received.

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Don’t call me that,” Leo repeated, louder. “I’m not your boyfriend as we have clearly established.”

 

Leo felt his insides twist uncomfortably, making him feel sick again. Niles was turning to look at him now, eyebrow raised and a hand at his hip.

 

“Okay, what’s wrong? You have never told me that it bothered you before.”

 

“Nothing, I just-”

 

Niles held up a hand, effectively stopping Leo’s lie before it could get out fully. “Leo, I have known you for over five years. I have called you dearest and various other things several times over those years and you have never said a thing. Why now?”

 

Leo was properly blushing now, struggling to even glance up and make eye contact. He combed a hand anxiously through his hair, knowing Niles would spot his tells easily. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

 

“You have been off for the past few weeks and now this. What’s going on, Leo? I will stop if you truly want me to, but that does not seem to be the real problem here. Is it something I did?”

 

“No, of course not-”

 

“Something else then? The bills? Your mother again?”

 

“No, no-”

 

“If she tried calling you again you know that I-”

 

Leo slammed his mug down, feeling flustered and needing Niles to shut up and  _ listen _ as he blurted, “I like you! I like you, okay? And it’s driving me fucking crazy because I  _ live  _ with you. I can’t avoid you and pretend like these feelings don’t exist, but they do and I see you every goddamn day so I just- I like you.”

 

Niles was staring at him now and Leo had to look away, scowling down at the tea that had spilled over his fingers. It was lukewarm, so it hadn’t burned him, but it was forming a pool under his mug. He reached across the counter to grab a paper towel to mop up the mess, wondering if this was what it took to end a seven year friendship. An idiotic confession that he had only just realized in the past month or so.

 

Leo didn’t notice Niles moving closer to him, focused on wiping the tea from his fingers. He didn’t until the other man was gently moving his mug out of the way, reaching to take the crumpled paper towel from his hands. Leo didn’t look up to meet his eyes, face burning, and didn’t until Niles gently tapped him under his chin.

 

“Leo,” he started, and Leo automatically braced himself for the worst. “Leo, how long?”

 

Leo exhaled, shaky and hesitant. “About a month? I think. Maybe more, I don’t know.”

 

Niles surprised him by gently cupping his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. Leo was unsurprised to discover that Niles’ skin was just as soft as it looked.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“What?”

 

Leo felt like his brain was short-circuiting as Niles smiled at him, expression soft and warm and-

 

“Can I kiss you?” Niles asked again, voice gentle. “It’s okay if not, I just-”

 

Leo didn’t let him finish, leaning in to kiss him before his mind could talk him out of it.

 

Niles had a soft mouth to match his skin. Leo’s heart stuttered in his chest when Niles kissed him back, stomach alight with butterflies he hadn’t felt in awhile. Not like this. Niles was a good kisser, Leo was quickly realizing, and he didn’t protest when a tongue gently prodded at his lips. He could taste the cinnamon toothpaste that Niles used, a taste he didn’t expect to like but found he did.

 

Leo blinked open his eyes when Niles pulled away first, uncertain when exactly he had closed them. Niles stroked a thumb over his lips, a soft smile on his face that made Leo’s heart stutter again.

 

“I have been waiting to do that for a long time,” Niles admitted. “You have such a nice mouth.”

 

“Oh,” Leo breathed, surprised and pleased. “Thank you?”

 

Niles chuckled and moved his hands down to grasp the blanket around Leo’s shoulders, pulling it tighter around him while pressing another quick kiss to his lips. Leo was only a little ashamed that he leaned after him once he pulled away for the second time.

 

“We can talk about this a little more in depth after some breakfast, yeah?”

 

Leo watched Niles move away, going over to their fridge to search its contents, and felt a warm feeling swell in his chest, one he didn’t want to let go of quickly.

 

“Okay, that sounds great.”

**Author's Note:**

> 8 pages and over 3000 words later we have this.
> 
> [my tumblr](http://neptune-bound.tumblr.com/)


End file.
